the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
