You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize