So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
