Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
