ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
