I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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