david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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