Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
