I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
