I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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