Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
