So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
