I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
