so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
