So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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