I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Randomize
