Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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