Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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