i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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