yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
