Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
