Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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