I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
be right there i have to get my cape
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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