I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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