32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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