I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
