it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
