Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
