I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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