I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
its not stalking. its research.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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