He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
