even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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