her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
