He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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