Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
