At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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