I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
A bitchslap is in order.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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