I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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