We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
