she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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