sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
