dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
