dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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