i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Still dying that you shit outside
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
