If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
