i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
