her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
