I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
my liver is dry heaving
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
