I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
