So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I have post one night stand depression
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