i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
