Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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