I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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