i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
