um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
