Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
