Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
