just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
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