By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
