the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
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