She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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