weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
