my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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