Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
