Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
