2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
