Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
