you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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