So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
tell me about the fingering
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
