1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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